From backache to headache

Aka - a bed too far, dude where's my bed?, they own the bed, bed dreams, runaway bed, bed witch project…

The saga of the bed started after my lovely wife started to have backache. The backache was caused by my trying to rough it out and sleep on the floor, but who would have thought that this backache would turn into a headache.

After a few months of Amrit complaining we agreed to buy a bed; it’s not as simple it sounds. The nagging had to stop but little did I know what I was getting myself into. Looking for a bed is really like rocket science. The type, size, the make, the height, the storage space, the supports, the colour and this is just the bed frame. The mattress it a whole new ball game: the firmness, the spring systems, memory foam, the half and half, the list goes on. Looking online, in catalogues and the visiting the shops. Shop after shop, bed after bed and mattress after mattress were rejected on grounds of being too soft, too hard, too springy, too costly, not foamy enough, bad colour, the list goes on and on. We even travelled to a shop which is 50 minutes away and 2 changes of bus. I was already sold as soon as we entered the shop (blond woman selling the bed: it didn’t even matter if it was not a bed she was selling, it could have been pig fat but it was sold). Anyway after spending an hour and half we could not find a right kind of bed and mattress.

We walked out into the freezing cold and waited for a bus for an hour at an open run down bus stand. There was glorious art on the bench and a hand written telephone directory people in questionable profession. It was admirable that this lonely bus stand had become a shrine to the heart broken people taking out their anger on their EX’s. I admire these people who have come to this place after sitting waiting for the bus for 50 minutes, thinking about their relationships, what went wrong and how they feel now, got off the bus, wrote 2 words followed by the name of the person and a number if someone wants to get in touch with the W or B, you know what it means. After the deed is done one walks to the opposite side of the road cleansed, waits for 30 min for the bus, gets on and goes home.

Back to the bed story. No bus and no bed. It would take more research more time, but I guess we realised in time that we are in the land of Swedish furniture store chain and we can hope to buy something else. All these months every time we looked for a bed and we didn’t like it, we always came back to the Swedish furniture store chain website and dreamed about our bed. Then why not order one from Swedish furniture store chain? Well the transportation costs are the same as the price of the bed. We had to take the plunge: so web page opened, cart filled, payment made, confirmation email received and the wait begins. We had no idea what we were getting into.

After a month the bed arrives on a dark Wednesday evening, tools out, flat pack opened, screw after screw, the bed started to take shape, our dreams were finally coming true and we were going to sleep on the bed tonight for the first time since August. Head board up, sides up, foot board up, and that was it. “That was it” as in it was done but there were missing parts. We were missing the midbeam. This sorrow had to be drowned by my a opening a bottle of wine and a phone call to Swedish furniture store chain , who promptly picked up the phone after an hour. It was told to us that they would now send the part in about 2 weeks time. Somehow I was ok. Maybe it was the wine or maybe the fact (every man’s dream ) that we were going to have to sleep in the same room as the TV .2 weeks went quickly because of the short Norwegian winter days. Something arrived in the post and had to be collected from the post office. It was our mid beam! Finally the bed was going to be complete, I was beginning to see THE END, that’s all folks, but how can it be so easy, it is all done, but really, is it finished? Like some sequel crap films, where the producers don’t know when to stop and just make another one, the end was nowhere near. Now we had the mid beam, the “not just the pretty face” had forgotten something: the slats to the bed. This meant poor him had to suffer sleeping in the same room as the TV again.

The search for the slats was on, but as Swedish furniture store chain would do business, they make their bed in sizes which no one else would. So if I had to order the slats from them it would cost me the same price as the bed. Other stores either made it too small or too big. So the only thing left to do was to buy the big one and cut it into the correct size. With everything done, bed finished, mattress on, I said goodbye to late night TV returned to the BED ROOM – which had a bed in it for the first time in 6 months.

My beautiful wife wakes up the next day and says “honey, I still have a backache”.

That’s all folks!