Enter the Drama Queen

“NO” is the first answer to any question which my wife puts to me for trying out new stuff. To protect the male ego the “no” has to backed up by ridiculous reasons and answers. I say this because we were at the world’s most beautiful fjord (a propaganda statements chanted by Norwegians ) and staying in one of the better hotels as it was the only hotel with staff. Amrit asked me to join her at the Sanus Per Aquam (SPA). As you know the answer was NO and came with a hissy fit which was not experienced before. It would have been an Oscar-winning performance and made women-kind so proud of me for getting in touch with my feminine (drama queen) side. But my wife convinced me with her very own powerful persuasive skills (otherwise known as nagging) to go and try the SPA so this man dragged his grizzly bear legs to the SPA where a beautiful blonde receptionist smiled and greeted me. So began the saga of cleansing the body. First, a foot bath with bubbles. Then, sauna with a beautiful view of the majestic snow-capped Norwegian mountains. Then a cold seven sisters shower and then a Caribbean misted scented oil shower. Then a dip in the Japanese jakuzzi with an old bald man. Finally, we went to the relaxation zone where one could relax on a sofa and watch the ladies go by. Not just relaxation for the body but therapy for the eyes. To make it worthwhile, the process was repeated twice. The second time was sans hissy fit. My wife says that I must tell you that I liked it. But in reality, I luuuurrrrrvvvvvved it and would do it again and again and again and again until the end of time.

There was a nice spa hotel once. It sat in the middle of the mountains and at the foot of a beautiful fjord. A pair of brownies came along one day and brought with them fun filled frolic and friends. They created a party on the bus and disco-ed their way through the day. One brownie ate too much fish and it got him all sick in the tummy. The other one walked up a snowy mountain with sticks in the hope to learn something new. By lunchtime the two brownies were back to best and munching through lunch. Then it was free time. The brownies decided to spa. But first they had a debate: should we stay or should we go. For one brownie, it meant doing something new. For the other brownie it meant doing something together. One brownie became a drama queen and sought attention and a pep talk. The other brownie tried reverse psychology and pepped and pepped. One brownie became a grumpy old man. The other brownie got even grumpier. After a lot of huffing and puffing and nearly blowing the house down, the brownies made up and went off to spa in their robes. They did foot dips, they did sauna. They did the steam room, oil showers and Japanese jakuzzi. The brownies lay down in the relaxation rooms and watched the falling snow into the fjord. The brownies ate fruit and drank tea. The brownies held hands and smiled. One brownie said "the spa was fun" and the other brownie said "let's go again". So the brownies went to sauna, steam, shower and jakuzzi again and relaxed with the great big fjord.

The brownies like drama. The brownies like debates. The brownies like laughing at the dramas they create. Life for the brownies is never dull or flat. It's full of drama queens and grumpy old men.

IN THE WORDS of Men

After a week of emotional roller coasters and, as my wife would say, arguments without reason and that if I didn’t write this blog I would have to send my Amrit flowers for a week, here we go.

This will not be in my words but in the words of other men. It might help or it might not help the state of my mind but then it just has to be understood in the way I mean it to be to understood.

First man I choose is Robert Frost and his poem -The road not taken-

It’s been one of my favourite poems. The poem is about making personal choices and rationalizing our decisions. It is about nonconformist methods – the ones people rarely use these days. I hate to say it but it’s also about individualism and the people who know me best will know (as a Red and Left person) how much I don’t like that word. Still, I stand by it because it lets us choose a path in the end and the path less travelled and the path that will make you happy. A path which you know is the key to your life. A path of love. A path of friendship. A path of companionship.

“And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”

Second man I would like to introduce is one of Norways’ great singers and his song –eg ser –

I love the song. It’s all about partnership. It’s all about thinking about each other. It’s about taking care. The whole of the song is about doing it together. You first have to bring yourself to a realization and only then you can be free and be able to enjoy what you have. No one else can do that for you.

“ Eg ser du har det vondt,- i see you are hurt

men eg kan ikkje grina alle- i cannot cry all tears for you

tårene for deg.

Du må grina de sjøl,- that you must do yourself

men eg ve grina med deg.-but i will cry with you

Eg ve grina med deg- i will cry with you

Eg ser du vil gi opp,- i see you will give up

men eg kan ikkje leva-but i cant live life for you

livet for deg.

Du må leva det sjøl.- that you must live for yourself

Men eg ve leva med deg.-but i will live it with you

Eg ve leva med deg.”-i will live it with you

The third man is the BOSS. Now if you don’t know who the boss is you should stop reading my blog and switch off the computer and book a flight to India and go into the mountains and live a hermit lifestyle because that is what it means for not knowing the boss.

His song: -If I Should Fall Behind Lyrics-

We said wed walk together baby come what may
That come the twilight should we lose our way
If as were walkin a hand should slip free
Ill wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me

We swore wed travel darlin side by side
Wed help each other stay in stride
But each lovers steps fall so differently
But I'll wait for you
And if I should fall behind
Wait for me

Now everyone dreams of a love lasting and true
But you and I know what this world can do
So lets make our steps clear that the other may see
And I'll wait for you
If I should fall behind
Wait for me

Now there's a beautiful river in the valley ahead
There neath the oaks bough soon we will be wed
Should we lose each other in the shadow of the evening trees
Ill wait for you
And should I fall behind
Wait for me
Darlin I'll wait for you
Should I fall behind
Wait for me

This made my lovely lady cry the other night. Don’t want to say much about this song; just read the lyrics.

Next person would be Rudyard Kipling and his –IF-

I would not share the whole poem with you - just two stanzas: the first and the last.

“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

if you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings---nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And---which is more---you'll be a Man, my son!”

None of the above are my own words but I would like to think that I live by them. I would not say they are great men, they are just men and that’s what I think they would like to think of themselves too.

Well on a lighter note this should really impress the female readers of the blog although I have not included any women poets or singers to balance the writing that too in the week of women’s day – maybe next time.

Trigger happy

We did it. We broke our mould of four years.

We used to walk into Currys and hype each other up about the latest "desirable" electronic gadget. We'd have done some research online before hand but not enough to really know what we were talking about. Still, on an adrenalin rush, we'd zoom down to Lakeside and waltz through the isles to find the section of amps, speaker systems, iPod docking stations or whatever it was we were feeling that weekend. We'd look around and compare brands with one another. Then size, sound, picture and the rest of the stats on the tags next to each item. Then we'd make a decision as to which one we wanted. Then? Well then we'd make for a quick exit. No amp/speaker/docking station in tow. We'd come home deflated like two flat tyres on a 13-year old Golf. A silent drive home followed by silent activities which we would find to do in the house to get ourselves over the fact that we did it again. We went to buy something and came home empty handed.

Over the four years of our marriage, we have been very good at avoiding spending our money on gadgets. It's not been through a lack of trying. One year we made a list of 10 items which we would try to invest in over the coming 12 months. So ok, the credit crunch hit us and we had no money to spend. Still, we did try to buy something from the list but the hyper hyper flat tyre episode ensued.

We decided to change this as of this year. All week we have been ha-ha-ing about getting a new tv. It was a joke with an edge of do-we-dare-? to it. We continued to mock each other about it until it was suddenly Friday and we were standing in Elkjøp staring at what seemed like a thousand new television screens. We hovered and spouted stats to each other to try and make head and tail of it all. We tried to get assistance from the helper but concluded that we would need to do more research online before we could make a decision. And then we left: deflated.

We started walking towards ICA but were overwrought and had to sit down on the bench to take in the fact that we had failed in our attempts to change. We tried to console each other but were as miserable as each other. The only option we had was to go back in and win the battle for change.

So we trudged back through to the tele section. Found a helper. Asked him about LED and LCD, about 50 hertz and 100 hertz. We called Dad for help. We asked about speaker systems. We chose our items. We negotiated down the price. And we shook on it. We swiped the visa at the till. And there it was. Gadgets purchased!

WOWSER.

We came home by taxi (went all out) in silence, in shock. Not only had we broken the mould, we had spent a shed-load of money on things we didn't really need. We stood in the kitchen and let it sink in. Knocked back and celebrated the change.